Essay, Research Paper: Arranged Marriages

"Matches are made in heaven." How the system up there works,
we may never know, but on earth we have two systems of
marriage. We have marriages where the partners find each
other and marriages in which the partners are selected by
a third person. I was born and raised in Canada, however,
I am still required to follow the traditions of my religion,
Hinduism. The arranged marriage has become a part of the
Hindu tradition. When my parents suggested it, I agreed,
feeling it is a part of my culture and my parents had also
had an arranged marriage. However, when I discussed this
with my friends, their reaction was not accounted for.

First of all, an arranged marriage is a marriage in which
the partners are selected by a third person, usually the
bride's parents. It is more like a "marriage between
families, not between individuals." (Gupta, 18)
Through my friends' reactions, I was able to identify the
stereotype attached with arranged marriages in society today
. I feel that people have misinterpreted arranged marriages
as forced marriages. Although I do approve of arranged
marriages, I also agree with the viewpoints of the fraction
of society, who feels that arranged marriages are a form of
women's oppression. I was able to distinguish both the
advantages and disadvantages of arranged marriages, and came
to a conclusion of why society perceives arranged marriages
as an unacceptable convention.
In previous generations, arranged marriages were solely
arranged by the bride's parents. The parents would hear
from a friend or relative about a potential groom for their
daughter. They would then approach the family if they were
of a good, respectable background and ask if they would be
willing to arrange the marriage between their daughter and
son. If an agreement was reached, they would marry their
children without them ever meeting each other before the
wedding night. Traditionally, the question of the dowry
would be settled at this time.
Dowry and its outcomes are the foremost negative issues
related to the stereotype of arranged marriages. "Dowry
was given as compensation to the groom's parents for the
amount they had spent in educating and upbringing their
son, along with the social status and family background
of the groom." (Gupta, 20) When the bride's family did
not pay the sufficient amount demanded by the in-laws,
the bride would often be burned alive as a result. These
incidents occur very rarely today compared to previous
generations. Some data found states that "at least 5000
women die each year for not bringing in enough dowry."
(http://www.dalitstan.org/books/gowh/gowh2.html) Some
women are killed in `kitchen fires', which are often passed
off as accidents, because their in-laws are not satisfied
with their dowries. Statistics such as these are key
factors to the negative label attached with arranged
marriages today.
In other cases, a bride was looked upon as a burden as she
represented a drain to the family's income while not
contributing anything towards it. Misfortunately, if a
woman was to become a widow, her presence in the family was
dreaded. A widow was restricted from participating in the
household work. "Her touch, her voice, even her appearance
was considered impure and something that was to be avoided
and despised." (http://www.dalitstan.org/books/gowh/gowh2.html)
Without her husband, a woman's existence was not tolerated and
an outcome of this was self-immolation, known as 'sati'.
Although 'sati' is illegal today, it does continue in the
rural corners of some countries (http://www.dalitstan.org/books/gowh/gowh2.html).
After considering these factors, I was forced to reconsider
my view of arranged marriages. It is important that we
decide whether all women are entitled to the same basic
human rights, regardless of background. However, if we
do acknowledge that cultural practices do lead to the
oppression of women, then why does the arranged marriage
still exist in society today? Although no exact figures
are available, about "95 percent of all Indian marriages
are arranged." (Kishwar, 12)
Through a more favourable perspective, the dowry can be
viewed as a form of security for the bride. One function
of the dowry is protection for the bride. It guarantees a
suitable match or provides insurance against divorce or
widowhood. The dowry could consist of the bride's family
supplying her with valuable goods, land, or money to assist
her in hard times.
The definition of the modern day arranged marriage is very
different from the old. Today couples may exchange
photographs. Depending on how liberal the couple's parents
are, the couple might be given the opportunity to meet
alone to determine their compatibility. The modern system of arranged marriage is somewhat similar to blind dating.
In the past few years, more and more people have sought arranged marriages. However, a great fraction of society still looks down upon the system of arranged marriages as primitive. It is seen as a marriage forced upon a woman. However, the arranged marriage has become a lot more versatile than it was in previous generations. I see arranged marriages as a convenient and easy way to find a mate because parents pre-screen the potential groom. It is more like a situation where parents introduce different potential spouses to their daughter, and it is the couple that ultimately decides whether they want to marry or not.
Children of Indian background living in the diaspora, such as myself, can pick out what is most oppressive in the traditional system, such as dowry and self-immolation, by living in autonomous countries, such as Canada. Nevertheless, it is the importance of identity, family values and culture which leads to the continuing trend of arranged marriages, despite the stereotype they carry in society today.

I thought that this article was extrmely helpful in a project that I completed in school on arranged marriages. I also found it very interesting!