Essay, Research Paper: Conflict Between Mr. And Mrs. Ramsay

Virginia Woolf's To the Lighthouse is very effective in
showing the relationship between Mr. and Mrs. Ramsay, not with
actual interaction with each other, but through their different
approaches toward everyday life. Through the constraints of the
Victorian society, Mrs. Ramsay must appear subservient and
inferior. Anything radical would go against the principals of her
husband. Yet, underneath, Mrs. Ramsay is much more superior
mentally, which she tries to keep inconspicuous and undetectable
our of fear. The greatest difference between their personalities
is the expression of their desires. Mr. Ramsay makes it blatantly
obvious that he's feeling insecure in his own masculinity and
depends on others to keep him on his pedestal. Mrs. Ramsay
chooses to find solutions herself since she has such a remarkable
understanding of how the universe works. The most poignant
display of this comparison comes at the end of the first part of
the book, where Mr. Ramsay longs to hear her speak the words, "I
love you." Mrs. Ramsay, though, knows a smile is enough to
express her tender emotions. She protects her children, her
guests, even her enemies, but no one protects her! Her gift of
leadership has earned the reverence and enamor of Mr. Bankes.
For this reason, Lily worships her and wishes to know the secret
to her everlasting passion, wisdom, and optimism. Mrs. Ramsay
understands how Mr. Ramsay's pride has been hurt, through the
example of the alphabet and his intellectual sterility. He knows
that he is not immortal and cannot meet the expectations of
perfection that he's set for himself. Mrs. Ramsay, though,
remains humble and even denies the fact that she is the anchor of
his family. Mr. Ramsay, fortunately, remains completely unaware
of these threatening revelations. Their relationship to each
other can be also examined through the relationship with their
son, James. There is hardly a doubt that James feels animosity
toward her father; one does not often see a six year-old boy with
the aspiration to drive a knife through his father! The clingy
relationship that James has with her mother may follow the
Oedipus complex: love your mommy, kill your daddy. With Mr.
Ramsay's straightforward "life's not fair" approach, he is brutal
to his son for his naive hope about going to the Lighthouse. Yet,
Mrs. Ramsay's protective "petals" makes sure that the son hasn't
lost his curiosity and enthusiasm for the world. Mrs. Ramsay
finds a far more positive and appealing way to gain knowledge and
find solutions. She refuses to act like an elitist; instead she
will take the time to treat everyone as worthy individuals.
Imagine how Mr. Ramsay would have dealt with his children who
were frightened of the skull; instead of the utopian image that
Mrs. Ramsay sings to Cam, Mr. Ramsay might have told her that
there was nothing the matter and she wasn't acting maturely. It
is particularly ironic that hard, cold facts are necessary to the
existence of Mr. Ramsay, since that he denies the problems of the
world around him and his position in life.

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