The Miller s Tale This is a true tale of me and my life, or at least for a short while. The day had started out so well, you see I had become somewhat of a owner of women. I was interested in this becomes because of the free jobs that came with it. You see because of my gorgeous looks the women had trouble seeing past it to the real man in my pants, I mean in me. So why not just become an owner of women to sell to others for nightly jobs and such and reap the benefits of it all. So like I said, the day had gone perfectly until one of my women came down with a sudden case of the backdoor trots. He, he the ol hag almost released her load of dung on one of my customers, so I had to get her and take her back home. When I got to the man s house I entered in grand fashion by showing how I could open the door with my head. Oh well, that didn t go over as planned but it scared my woman so bad she finally did just let it go. Then, after cleaning it up we were on our way out and back to home sweet home. When we arrived I got some great news that made the whole squirts issue fall back to the back of my mind. I got word that the King wanted one of my women to get it on with him. So soon I got the prettiest woman I had. She had blond hair and a nice set on her, if I do say so myself. She all of her teeth except for three but in this time that s not bad. I soon put on my Sunday best and headed straight for the castle in which to meet the King himself. We came in the back just as told and soon were met by three guards dressed in black and silver. They said to me, " Wait here, the girl goes with us." Well, I ll be damned if I m going to let these people not let me see the King! When I asked they said, "Sorry but the King won t allow it." Well, what could I do? Absolutely nothing is right. The King sure is a bum when it comes to privacy and such. I sat outside the back entrance to the castle for almost an hour. I was almost to the point of sleep when I heard the door open. She came out with a bit of a smile on her face. We soon departed from the castle, she said nothing the whole way home. I kept asking her if something happened in there that she wanted to tell me. Once, we reached my house she began to laugh. I was intrigued by this so I said, " What is wrong with you?" She began to tell about the King s short comings. I soon also began to laugh at this and went to the bar down the way. I entered the bar in grand fashion as usual. The door was especially hard for some reason but maybe it was just me. No matter, I began to drink with my buddy from down the way by the name of Everett. I told him of my day and then he bought me a beer, then another, than another. I soon began to wonder why he was being so giving to me, but he was good friend and I thought nothing of it. The night pushed on and finally, I was so drunk I stole the money off the man beside me to pay for some of my drinks and then staggered out and to my house which was a few blocks down the road. The next morning I awoke to the sound of a rooster and a man laughing wildly outside my door. It was ol Jethrow and his pet rooster Cleetis. He greeted me by saying, " Is it true, does the King have a small one?" I replied with, " What in God s name are you talking about?" Last night at the bar you told everyone that one of your women said that the King was a little short of the mark. "You re joking, right?" " Fraid not," he said. Well, at that moment in time I thought I had only two choices. Either I could leave my business and the house or stay and face the wrath of the King. Well, the day passed on with more and more questions about the King and his whatever you would like to call it. I decided I m a man, a very big man at that so I decided to stay and face the King. Hours and hours went by and no word from the King. I thought I was in the clear but as soon as I had thought such a thought, someone began to knock at the door. I went in a sort of slow pace to get the door. Then, I opened the door and there stood seven knights and the King. At once I knocked the first one down with the use of my head, then the next two with a swift kick to their families jewels. Three down and four to go. Next, I jumped upon one and rammed my fist into his face, but soon after this the other three grabbed me and held me tight to where I couldn t get away. The King stood before me and looked me over. After a while, he told the knights to release me and for me to step back inside. The King soon followed and we sat at my table in the kitchen. He told me of a deal to sort the matter out. He would have a woman for free anytime he requested or I could have my jewels in a jar. Gladly, I took the offer and he parted with his knights and all was well. In the end I figured that the moral was to not to run your mouth unless you re a pimp.