Marriage + Death?

The institutions of both Marriage and Death have been around for centuries, and have continued throughout as central aspects of societies around the world. Are they tied together? If so, how? These questions have plagued many people throughout the course of their lives. How could two facts of life seem so different, yet when one looks closely, seem so alike? Each has its ceremony, and at each there is a gathering of loved ones. The emotions are often similar surrounding the newly wed/departed. Tears of love, and tears of sorrow over an end that has come, over an innocence that will never return. How many things can be linked together that we might never have suspected at first glance?

When people go to a wedding, what is the first thing they see? In most cases it is a church. That is not always the case, though. If they have decided to go against the traditional church wedding, which is not at all that uncommon, the wedding is held at a place of their choosing. This is usually at a place that is special to the couple in some way. The dead are not always afforded this right. Most people are taken to a church for their last viewing. If the person has a will, though, then he too can have the luxury of choosing the place of their ceremony. It does seem fairly common, though, in the United States anyway, that most weddings/funerals occur at a church or at the home of the one responsible for the occasion.

Now that the place of ceremony has been established we can move on to the atmosphere. Here we see an obvious shift in the patterns that have been leading us mainly to similarities in both events. While there may be flowers and loved ones at both events, the coloration of the people as well as the decorations is most obviously opposite. At the funeral, black is the color to wear. Black to show grief and loss for the departed. On the other end of the color spectrum is white, the color of most weddings. White for the hopes of the couple, and because white has been associated with goodness and purity. The groom of the wedding is usually wearing black, but even he has some white on his person. The woman is clad only in white, as are the decorations. The members of the audience have no dress code, although they almost always dress formally for both occurrences.

The ceremonies that follow are so similar they are almost one in the same. A religious man comes forth as loved ones bid farewell to the bride/groom/deceased, and wish that all of their dreams come true in whatever path lies before them. The religious man then begins performing the ceremony. Sometimes people extremely close to the person will speak kind words about things achieved, and of the high quality of this human being. The emotions in the room seem to be mixed at both events, thereby making it impossible to say anything more than that the atmospheres are extremely emotional. People are smiling, yet they cry with all their hearts. Most people feel out of place during both ceremonies and cannot honestly say which is more uncomfortable. Neither ceremony is extremely interesting after one has seen it enough times, and there seem to be a lot of awkward moments. How are you supposed to react to someone coming up to you and saying that everything will be for the better, then suddenly, start hugging you and crying?

After the ceremony there is either a reception, or disposal of the body. When the guests leave the wedding, they usually go to another place the bride and groom have set up. Once there, gifts are given to the couple while people talk and eat an assortment of food. After the funeral, people usually either watch the body get cremated or lowered into the ground. Besides the fact that there may be eating after a funeral also, there aren't a lot of obvious similarities in these two after-events. Despite the apparent lack of connections in the winding down of the ceremonies I was able to find one. It seemed that people were eager to return home, whether they were watching the body turn to ash, or standing around at the reception.

But how does it effect those getting married and the one who has passed on? I have spent some time researching and have come up with the following conclusions. With the onset of either marriage or death there is always a large readjustment of family life for those in question. In the case of the married couple, new financial and household responsibilities are gained. They are alone in the world and must learn to manage themselves. Likewise, the deceased also has a dramatic change in life. It no longer exists.

Who can say whether or not marriage and death are synonymous? We have all been witnesses to these seemingly separate occurrences. We have all been raised to avoid death, and to think carefully and thoroughly before agreeing to marriage. Is that just a coincidence? As witness I call upon you, the reader, to discern for yourself. Society has not shown any indication of changing its ways, however, personally I don't plan to marry until I can be certain I am ready for the death the evidence suggests marriage is so closely linked to.