I have read a lot of statistics and personal testimonies about Domestic Violence situations. Most

of us know the patterns. Most of us are familiar with the statistics. Oftentimes statistics are only

numbers unless you or someone you know have become one and have lived that hell personally.

Many of us have, including myself. While we can, and should, do our part as individuals, and as

groups, to lobby for protection, for support, and for awareness, we also need to realize that, as

difficult as it may seem, each of us has been given free will. While it may seem the most difficult

thing to accept that we maintain some control of our destiny in most cases- especially after years

of being told otherwise- it is ultimately the most empowering realization. I know it was for me. As

a victim of the most extreme forms of physical and verbal domestic abuse for six years- having

been beaten bloody on a regular basis; having been raped and inhumanly tortured almost daily- I

came to a point where I knew that while I had support from friends and family, it was ultimately

me alone who would make the final decision to walk away from something that wasn't right and

could no longer continue. That was probably the most difficult thing for me to do in my whole

life. I always believed that marriage is something you do not take lightly. I took the words "...till

death do us part" literally up to that point. My children- whom I loved and cherished more than

anything in the world- were the product of this marriage. Up until I made this difficult decision, I

thought it was my duty to God, and to my family to continue things as they were. Until I realized

that "..till death do us part" took on a whole new meaning. If I had stayed this man would have

killed me. Each beating escalated to the point that I was convinced this man will end my life at

some point had I stayed. Imagine how I felt the day I decided that I needed to walk away for my

own safety and for the safety of my children. I didn't sneak out of the house. I waited for the

father of my children to come home. I looked him in the face and told him I was leaving, and with

escorts, I did so with my children and ran for three years in fear. Today, I have attained the

financial stability to provide for my family after a long and hard road, and that far exceeds the

money my ex husband did not allow me to have in our marriage. Today, I am in a wonderful,

healthy relationship that made me realize that I wasn't the problem all along as my ex husband told

me every time I was beaten bloody for offenses that were only unacceptable to him. I cannot

promise you financial success after you leave a marriage, nor will I tell you that leaving a marriage

or a relationship is the right thing to do in a particular case. But I will tell you that the cycle of

violence can end with you and with those whom you allow to help you should you find yourself

trapped in an abusive relationship. From the time I said "I do", I fell under the umbrella of

statistics that show that a woman is battered every 15 seconds in this country. In the time it took

you to read this, 6 women were battered in one form or another by an intimate. What happens

behind closed doors doesn't make this issue none of anyone's business, because behind those

closed doors could be your sister, your mother, your daughter, your friend...even you... This is

how I envision a stop in the cycle. I envision a candle that lights the way for others. I have a

candle and perhaps others do as well. And that is a start, but imagine what happens when the

flames of two or more candles join. Those flames shine with greater brightness and strength, yet

suffer none in their individuality. So, I have a flame and perhaps you, or someone you know has a

flame. What do you want to do with them? They could mean the difference between life and death

to those who cannot yet make their voices heard.

Bibliography

Bibliography Lesar, Jenny. Statistics. Woodbridge, Conneticut: Blackbirch Press Inc, 1996 Kesegich, Ken. “In Defense of Children.” Cwru February, 1990: 33-35 Steinbach, Alice. “Neglect: the most prevalent form of child maltreatment.” Honolulu Star-Bulletic & Advertiser 30 July 1989: A-29 Dolan, Edward F. Big book of abuse. Anywhere, USA, Anybody Inc: 1312 Towle, Jeffery. Email Interview. 25 October 1996. Kimball, Lisa. Email Interview. 30 October 1996.

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