I chose this particular topic because I have a friend that was in an abusive relationship. I

didn’t really understand why she stayed with him for so long. I first started suspecting

that she was being abused was when I was on the phone with her and heard him

screaming at her in the background. She yelled back and played it off like nothing was

wrong. She said usually he was a good guy, but merely had a bad day. I kept asking her

why she stayed with him and she always replied that she loved him. Fortunately, they

aren’t together anymore. She finally got tired of all the abuse and called my uncle who is

a police officer. He came over, made him pack all of his stuff, and informed him that if

he ever came back there would be more trouble than he could handle. Oddly enough, she

still says that she misses him. I can only imagine how much more complicated it would

be for a woman with children. In the literature, I expect to find that there are many more

women being abused than people really realize. I also expect to find that most women

stay because they are financially dependent, or they don’t want their children to grow up

without a father. Also, I’m assuming most women are scared for their lives if they

attempt to leave. To research my predictions I chose to read articles from Analyzing

Social Problems, The Journal of Marriage and Family, and The Journal of Interpersonal

Violence.

When people refer to the word violence, they usually don’t think of domestic violence.

However, domestic violence is a very serious form of abuse. According to the article

“Severity of Violence Against Women by Intimate Partners and Associate Abuse of

Alcohol and/or Illicit Drugs by the Perpetrator, a current or former intimate partner

physically and/or sexually assaults eight out of every 1,000 women” (Wilson 2000:996).

The National Crime Victimization Survey reveals that more than 1.8 million incidents of

violence against a current or former spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend occur in America

each year, and about 85% of these victims are women (Greenfield et al. 1998). While

people have heard that most assaults occur to women by their mates each year, few know

that men are also assaulted at home. Many of these assaults go unreported. The

relationship of alcohol to intimate partner violence remains significant in studies. Men’s

drinking patterns, especially binge drinking, are directly associated with marital violence

across all ethnic groups and social classes. The latest studies show that 1,800 murders

were committed by an intimate partner in 1996, with three out of four victims being

women (Wilson, 2000:997). Violence is a learned trait that can by brought on by the

affects of alcohol. As I researched further, I learned about the Social Learning Theory in

the article, “Harsh Physical Discipline in Childhood and Violence in Later Romantic

Involvement; the Mediating Role of Problem Behaviors”. The Social Learning Theory

suggests that those who are subjected to harsh discipline learn that violence can be an

effective way to change behaviors of others. Harsh physical punishment in childhood is

directly related to greater perpetration of violence against an intimate partner late in life(

Swinford 2000: 508). Children treated with such physical aggression learn that it is

permissible within the context of intimate relationships and that violence is justified

when someone is guilty of wrong doing. Research suggests that wives are more likely to

be victims of spousal abuse if they were subjected to severe physical discipline as a child

(Swinford, 2000: 510). A family is considered the fundamental building block of society.

Whether or not that family has a negative or positive impact on society depends on their

actions. As described in the article, “Domestic violence: Hitting us Where We Live”, the

family has also been described as a cradle of violence and the marriage license as a

hitting license (Rouse 1997: 17). Many frustrating events occur within the family and

outside frustrations can be carried over into and expressed within the family. After a bad

day at the office, family members become handy scapegoats for their anger. It gives the

abuser release and a certain power over their victim. One reason women and children are

targets for violence in the home is that misconduct towards them is not sufficiently costly

to the perpetrator and they are actually rewarded when the victim complies (Rouse 2000:

19). Often, women are afraid to leave their abuser. They fear for their lives, and often

they become dependent, either financially or physically. There is an intense involvement

when a family is created. By leaving, the victim feels a sense of failure and a sense of

vulnerability.

There are many more women being abused than most people believe. What surprised me

was that many men are being abused as well. It’s not often talked about, but it should be

looked at equally because in either case people are being abused. Victims stay with their

abusers because they are mentally dependent, and afraid for their lives. Also, if children

are involved, they don’t want them to be without a father. Furthermore, learning about

the Social Learning Theory, we need to stop the violence before it becomes a pattern in

the family. If this behavior continues, an on-going cycle of violence could easily carry on

for generations to come.

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