Men Don’t Tell

Domestic abuse is a very serious problem, regardless of who is the victim. Abusive wives are not as common as abusive husband, but, they can be just as harmful. In the movie Men Don’t Tell, we see the true story of a man who was both physically and verbally abused by his wife.

Lori, the wife, created a household filled with jealousy. She was unable to control her anger and began to abuse her husband Ed. The situation is a perfect example of the cycle of violence. Their problems start because of Lori’s jealousy towards those, besides her, who receive Ed’s attention. This jealous develops into anger that begin to cause fights between Lori and Ed. Lori hits Ed for the first after a party she has for his birthday. She apologizes but Ed tells her it’s not her fault and just dismisses it. Unfortunately situations like that continued to occur. Lori would hit Ed and then promise to change. The cycle repeated for the remainder of the time that Ed stayed with Lori.

Ed does not tell anyone about Lori’s abuse. Instead he makes up stories to cover his obvious wounds. He does finally tell his story after the night things got completely out of control and Lori ended up in the hospital. However, even then he was reluctant to tell his story. The reason Ed kept his abuse a secret was out of fear that nobody would believe him. Once he does tell his story the police do not believe him. His own father tells him to say he was drunk and did not mean to hurt Lori. Because of the general belief that only men can be abusive, the actually victim in this story almost was the person the get in trouble for the battering.

Both the ways Lori and Ed handled their problems could be a result of the abuse that was part of both of their lives as children. Lori, the abuser, was beat by her mother as a child. Through growing up this way, abuse was seen in her home as the common response to anger. Lori developed from the abused, as a child, into the abuser in her later life. Ed however was a constant witness to the abuse his father afflicted on his mother. His mother used to tell him not to say anything to anyone about the abuse. He was taught that it was not something you talk about which may have also contributed to the length of time he had stayed with Lori and also to his reason for keeping the abuse a secret. Unfortunately both of Lori and Ed’s children were witnesses to the abuse in their home. It could have the same effects on them in their adult life that it did on their parents. Ed does live Lori and takes the children with him, so hopefully that is enough to keep the children the right way to deal with an abusive partner.

The abuse that was present in this story became out of control.. Ed finally stopped the repetitious cycle of violence that was occurring. He left and stopped the abuse. He told Lori that she did not help and that maybe after she got the appropriate help they could talk. Lori was emotionally ill and hopefully with the right kind of help was able to stop her abusive behavior. Unfortunately abuse does not just stop on its own. It only continues to get worse as the abuser begins to feel more powerful. Ed did the only thing possible to put a stop to Lori’s behavior; he left her. He got the self confidence to realize it was not he fault and that he did not deserve what she was doing to him. Thankfully he realized this before it was too late.

Bibliography

movie; Men Don't Tell

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