Essay, Research Paper: Adventures In Hickville

C. Tollefsen

Adventures in Hickville

Howard (Howey) and Bill are two normal hicks. Bill is already married to Marge who chased down Bill throughout high school. Howey is still playing the field looking for true love. Because of Howey's hideous nose, no woman in her right mind would date him, so Howey has a very tough time meeting quality women. We meet up with our two characters at the local fishing hole.
--"So, Where did Ya go, what'd ya do?" Bill asked.
--"Oh I was over at Chippers trowing back a few, ya know."
--"Ya meets anyone der?"
-- "Oh ya," he says "dis redhead I never seen before comes right up next to me, without even saying hello ask me to buy her a drink."
-- "So did ya."
-- "Oh ya, you know, I buys her a scotch and she falls all over me. Den she takes me back to the rail road Inn."
--"What'd you do der?"
--"Oh" Howey says "ya know, we's just sits there and talks for a little time, den out of no wheres, she jumps on to me."
--"So What'd you do den, ya tap dat sweet piece of ace?"
--"No way man, turns out dat she was Ralf Jenkens, from down der in the holler."
--"Holy Shit, dat queer!"
--"Ya"
--Then Bill says to Howey "fish biting fer ya?"
--"Nope" Howey says.
--"Me neither."
Poor Howey, he can never meet the right people. Bill then takes it upon himself to find Howey a woman to love and to make his wife. What better place to find a quality woman then at the county fair.
--"Hay Howey."
--"What?"
--"Say ain't dat Biatris, you know the edgamucated one dat went to dat like Ivy school down der past da holler?"
--"Ups, and she gone and grow up too."
--"Hay Howey."
--"What?"
--"Go over der and talk to her, say hello."
--"Naw, I couldn't, she too good fer me now."
--"Der she is, HAY BIATRIS OVER HERE."
--"Howdy boys, what's life been like 'round here past few years?"
--"Oh ya's know, just da same old stuff," Bill said. "How's it fer you?"
--"Alright I guess yet, people ain't been treating me like they used to, and no one has asked me to dance." Then Biatris asked, "say Howey, ya wanna dance?"
--"Oh I don't know I ain't never danced with no girl before, at least not a real one."
--"Come on," she said while dragging Howey over to the dance floor. Once on the dance floor, Biatris exclaimed, "Howey, you know I was treated very mean when I was in college, no one would talk to me because I was a hick. But every time they made fun of me I would just think back to how nice you were to me in high school."
--"Really?"
--"Yes, and one of my only reasons why I came back here was to see you, and to fall in love with you all over again."
--"Wow, I ain't never had no woman say dose things ever to me before." After a long pause, Howey said, "I love you too, ya wanna go back to my barn and trow pebbles at the chickens?"
--"Anything for you my love."
--"Oh jeepers."
So that is how Howey found love, actually it found him, and it has made him a very happy person. Bill was Howey's best man at the wedding, and Ralf Jenkens was Biatris' bride's mate. Shortly after the wedding Biatris won millions in the stock market, and paid for a nose job for Howey. So the moral of the story is that even if you are a hick you can find love knocking at your door, and it just might be the best thing that ever happened.