C. Tollefsen

Remorse

She was 15 going on what seems like 29, she was very mature for her age. Anyway she was practically begging me to, so I did. The she, was Mary. Mary was the only child of a friend of the family. I knew Mary since she was 5 years old. Cutest little thing I have ever known. Mary used to play with her patchwork doll whom Mary said was her daughter, even though they both looked similar in age. Anyway Mary had grown up and had blossomed into a beautiful pink flower, laced with long golden curls. Mary was like any normal teenage girl; she talked on the phone constantly, she went shopping all the time, wore make-up even though she looked better without it, and was interested in boys, mature boys.

Mary had moved to my small town, just outside the city limits of Fergus Falls Minnesota. I often saw Mary and her friends walking to the strip mall in town like a flock of sheep, huddled close to stay warm and share secrets. I offered many times to give them rides but the were usually happier to walk.

Mary's life changed her freshman year in high school. Mary was in an abusive relationship with the captain of the football team. Everyone knew it but no one did anything in fear of a disruptive football season. This made me very angry and I wanted to show Mary a better life than that.

This is where the beginning of our problems came to be. I followed Mary and her boyfriend, Trevor, one night to the Local Park and teenage hangout. Mary and Trevor were obviously fooling around, because the windows in his Jeep were all steamed up. Then, Mary's door opened and Mary appeared half clothed trying to climb out, but Trevor pulled her back in. Mary screamed and everyone around turned to look. Mary nearly fell out of the car getting out of there. I whistled for her to come over to my truck, which she did quicker than I have ever seen. Mary climbed in and buried her head in my arm and sobbed, tears flooded her face like a Sunday in April. I comforted her shivering little body while I pulled out of the park. As soon as we had reached the highway Mary raised her head and dried her eyes the best she could. Mary spoke two words, thank you, over and over to me. I was her hero, now was the time I could show her the right way.

Mary was vulnerable, and I was stupid. Mary had fallen asleep on the seat next to me. Instead of taking her home, I took her the old McFerson farm, which had been abandoned for almost 5 years. I fondled her and raped her. She was awake for only the last part, and was still in an altered state of consciousness. When I was done Mary looked at me with a blank stare. I thought she actually enjoyed it. Mary said nothing. I didn't speak either. I took her home.

For weeks nothing was mentioned. All seemed to blow over, unknown. Then on Tuesday, almost 4 weeks later, at the Star Tavern, Sheriff Tate and two deputies walked in. I knew my fate had come. At that moment I was not sorry of what I did. My lawyer plea-bargained a lighter sentence if I pleaded guilty. I received 12 years for statutory rape and assault. Now I am one of 8,000 inmates at the Duluth Correctional Facility. In my new community I have been beat up, raped, and tortured. Lost and confused in a world that I am not welcomed in, I struggle in the rat race of survival.

I am Very scared and I am even more sorry. I am surrounded by many who do not admit what their crimes, and don't ask for forgiveness. I admit it. I ask for forgiveness. Please can you forgive me? Mary can you forgive me! I am so sorry I stumbled upon this path with you, Mary. Your life and mine are changed forever.