It's unbelievable how each year, since the beginning of high school, my perfectly laid plans for myself have unavoidably deteriorated. When I entered my freshman year, I had aspirations of being a doctor (something I had wanted to be since I was a child); I was even taking Latin to help with the medical jargon. Now, here I am entering my senior year in high school without any idea of what I want to do. Now seems to be the time to start taking life seriously and making responsible, educated choices.

Looking back on it now, I realize that I cannot become the doctor I wanted to be. I have come to realize that, that dream was not only my own, but a dream of my family. My parents often talked of me becoming a doctor and although their enthusiasm continued throughout my childhood and early adolescence, mine slowly diminished; until finally I realized I did not want to become a doctor. I remember how hard it seemed to tell my parents of my decision, I felt as if I was letting them down, but I eventually came to realize that they wanted me to do what made me happy. I am not definite why I changed my mind in regard to being a doctor, I had the grades, the drive, and the willingness to make certain sacrifices, but somewhere I was missing something and I felt that I would not be satisfied in a medical career. So I started thinking about what I wanted to do; I went from teaching to law enforcement, computer programming to astronautics and numerous other professions. Now I come to a crossroad in my life where I must choose what to do with my future, choose what will make me happy.

I have always wanted the typical "˜American Dream' to have a husband I am in love with, a stable job, loving children, and a house in the suburbs. But now I realize that there are so many other steps I need to take in order to achieve these so-called goals. This includes graduating from high school and college, finding that special someone, and finding that perfect job. I have begun to realize that I have yet to begin my life; everything up until now has been practice, as if I have been in a cage and it is only now that I am beginning to break free and do things for myself.

My one goal for the future is to be happy regardless of what I choose to do. I want to be satisfied with my decisions, to be able to accept and forgive, and most of all to be able to live up to the expectations I have for myself. I realize I cannot set my goals and dreams on the basis of others and I need to achieve things for myself. If I live my life for the people around me, I will never truly be happy. I will only accomplish my goal in being happy when I am able to live my life for myself and still able to provide love and support to others.

I realize I don't have to have all the answers rights now, and that it's probably better that I don't. I have also figured that no matter what I do in life, I will never be completely satisfied; and that's how it should be, always looking for something more, always striving for something better.